Aliveness in the creative process / honest conversations / saying NO

Morning Carouseller,

I hope you have had a good start to your day :) 

I've just been on a morning walk around the reservoir and it's that time of year where you can get a sunrise at a decent hour. I love it. 

Some things that have been at the front of my mental Carousel this morning...

Aliveness; specifically 'LIVE'-ness.
My podcast still feels heavy. I am proud of it and love that it's out in the world. I love collaborating with my editor and making the jingles. I love sharing powerful stories. But the bit I love the most are the conversations themselves. I want them to go out immediately; to close the Zoom room and for it to be broadcast to the world then and there. The slow process of listening back, editing, creating the social media, uploading with all the trimmings to the podcast website DRAINS ME. I feel guilty that all these wonderful conversations are sitting waiting to be shared and that they don't feel as alive by the time I put them out. A lovely friend asked me this morning, 'what is the Sarah Weiler way of sharing these conversations?' It was such a freeing question and made me realise I've been attached to having to a) make a podcast b) make it in a certain way. In contrast, the radio show is so energising because we record it live and then it's all made. No editing, no changes. I think I was in a story that I have to slog at some things, and that there is extra reward when they take a long time to make. But I think I work best and give to the world most generously when I'm able to create things and then share them pretty soon; to allow the thread of creation to carry into the sharing - like surfing one long wave, rather than getting off the board. 
What is your relationship between creativity and sharing? Do you like to spend a long time making things before you share, or do you prefer things to be more immediate? Do you like to make and not share? Where does aliveness show up in your work? 

Saying NO at the start
I recently applied for a volunteering job that didn't look that exciting but I was feeling a bit lost at the time. I've talked about this before, this idea of panic 'applying', like panic buying, where you sign up for loads of things and then when they all come back to you often have no recollection of even signing up. By the time the volunteering got back to me for an interview I had moved on from the mood I was in when I applied. I accepted the interview because I thought 'you never know... worth exploring' etc. Then I sat with it and realised my gut said no. I already volunteer for another organisation anyway, and this particular work did not excite me. I went back to them to turn down the interview and felt a huge sigh of relief. There are times when it's worth trying things out, when they genuinely feel exciting or interesting, but I also want to be honest with myself when I know it's already a NO. When I'm invited to a social thing that I know I'll want to cancel. When I'm asked to do something for free/not much money that I know I'll resent. When I match with someone on a dating app who I already know I won't want to meet. Yes, there is a place for being open-minded, but there is also a place for knowing yourself and saving time! What can you say NO to today?

Speak up? Or do the inner work? (or both?)
In the last few years I've gone from conflict-phobic to pretty skilled in having difficult conversations. I share if things have not felt good, I stand up for myself more, I challenge people. It's a new world for me to navigate and it scares me, but I also know it strengthens my relationships and my trust in myself every time I do it. But sometimes when things come up between me and someone I wonder, do I need to share this with them, or do I just need to sit and process this alone? Is this even about them? Is it brave and connecting for me to share? Or actually an unnecessary burden that will be confusing and heavy? I don't have an answer for this today, just something I'm pondering. My initial thought is that it has to come from a place of empowerment. Does this empower me and the relationship to share this? What helps you decide whether it's 'worth it' to share something that's come up between you and another?

Those are some thoughts from today. As always, I'd love to hear what resonates and where you're at in your Carousel life!

For some joy and LOLs please enjoy the characters at https://www.instagram.com/brianjordanalvarez/ - they are giving me life.

Keep going, you're doing great.

Sarah x