Decluttering my commitments
A step by step guide to creating more space in 2023 (spoiler alert - it doesn't always involve quitting!)
Last night I had a dream.
I was at my flamenco class šš» (one of the current commitments in the decluttering pile) and someone asked me what an average day looked like for me. I laughed, and began to rattle off a list of things Iām currently involved in.
āYou have too many hobbies,ā the person said. āBut it also sounds like a lot of fun.ā
HMMM, I WONDER WHAT THATāS ABOUT š¤£
Walking the thin line between embracing lifeās joys and tumbling into overwhelm is at the core of being a Carouseller.
Not having enough to do can feel like a curse, but sometimes, in the quest to readdress the balance, we can find ourselves saturated with newness and stimuli.
There is so much I long to do and experience, but am I going deep enough on any of it for it to feel truly satisfying?
This is where I find myself at the start of 2023.
2022 was the post-pandemic-expansion. I moved to a new part of London, grew my social circles, took on new hobbies. I said yes to it all and loved reconnecting with the buzz of London. I wonder if 2022 felt like that kind of year for you too?
But now, I sit with debris of 2022 and Iām asking, āwhat do I want to choose for this year?ā āWhich things feel alive right now?ā
It can feel tempting to keep all the tabs open - to dip in and out - but Iām keen to have quality over quantity and really be present with the few things I am choosing.
Below Iām sharing my step by step guide of how Iām working out what to keep and what to let go of. Please use this too for your own decluttering process, and let me know how you get on in the comments.
Decluttering your Commitments - a step by step guide
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Write down all the things that are currently taking up headspace, time or energy in your life. (I find Whatsapp groups can be a big source of this so scroll through for groups and communities you are part of). It can help to do these on post-its so that you can move them around. You can also do this digitally on a jamboard.
Pick each one up and connect with how it feels for you right now, at this moment in your life. Be as honest as you can be. Remember you donāt have to share this with anyone, so if something has moved on and there is some guilt around that, thatās okay. For now, weāre just noticing.
Sort these commitments into 3 piles:
HELL YEAH - there is no doubt about this being in my life. Full body yes. (Cold-water swimming is one of these for me).
QUIT - Iām ready to let this one go. Itās served itās purpose or doesnāt feel relevant anymore.
(I ended up having quite a few commitments that I thought would go to the Quit pile, but when I felt into them, totally quitting didnāt resonate, which led me to the 3rd pileā¦)
NOT SURE - something feels off about it but Iām not ready to quit it/something needs to change, but Iām not sure what/ it feels neutral.
Give yourself a big hug for having looked honestly at your commitments. It takes courage to get real with whatās not working.
Celebrate the things that are HELL YEAH. Put them in your diary and making sure youāre making time for them.
For anything youāre ready to quit, celebrate that clarity too. Have a think about how you can mark the end of this chapter. For more on how to do this, please listen to the mini-sode on my podcast about āBeautiful Endings.ā
What to do with the ones that arenāt an obvious hell yeah or no?
Iām going to share 3 of the commitments on my NOT SURE pile and what I did with them. I didnāt want to totally quit them, but was there another way of decluttering them slightly and creating some space?
1. Can you change the set-up?
I run a community choir and mostly really enjoy it (eg. moments of joy like the one above at Wilderness festival) but I was noticing that towards the end of 2022 that it was starting to feel like a lot of hard work.
The frequency of rehearsals and performances was the main challenge. It is a volunteer position with a lot of prep, and I didnāt feel I had the time or energy to do it justice. I knew if I didnāt change something I would have no option but to stop my involvement completely.
Questions I asked: Who else can help with this? How could we restructure this so that it feels more spacious?
In the end I asked the choir community if people would like to take it in turns to run the choir for one month at a time and there was a really positive response! So now, I am still involved with running the choir, but am able to share the load. It also means that other people who want to run a choir but not full time are able to try their hand at it on a short term basis.
2. Can you take a break and come back? (Back of the Carousel)
Iāve been part of a musical improv group for almost a year now. In my January review I noticed two things about this group: 1) I hadnāt been to a rehearsal since August 2) The Whatsapp group is very busy and distracting.
I clearly hadnāt been prioritising it and I like to be fully in on the groups Iām part of.
A friend suggested that rather than quitting I thought about which activities I was doing āfor the next few monthsā. Framing it that way really helped.
I decided to write to the group and say I would be leaving for the time being, but Iād be back in touch in a few months and see where they were at.
I already feel lighter for having one less busy chat on the go, and less guilty that Iām half-heartedly involved in a group.
3. Can you hold it a bit more lightly?
In February 2022 I restarted flamenco classes after 15 years (thatās a LONG time at the back of the Carousel!) I was going weekly as part of 5-week courses and really seeing my progress. Now, Iāve moved up to the improvers group and the class is drop-in. The change in booking classes has prompted some questions: āis this something I want to be spending time on?ā. āDo I want to keep going to flamenco or was it something fun I did for a few months?ā
I realised I was holding it very black and white: I must go weekly or not at all. Iām experimenting instead with having it in my diary on Tuesdays and going when I can, but not being too stressed about not going, like an exercise class that I dip into.
So thereās three examples of how to declutter without quitting:
changing the set up (asking for help, restructuring how itās run)
pausing your commitment (with a āreviewā date in mind)
holding the commitment more lightly (Iāll go when I can)
Itās also worth asking which values you would be honouring by keeping the commitment going both at all, and in this new way.
For example, by continuing the choir Iām honouring my values of community and sharing a love of music, and, with the new set up, honouring sustainability and quality.
Pausing the improv group is honouring my values of presence and commitment and also integrity (I just canāt give to it fully right now).
Keeping flamenco in my life is honouring my love of learning and my love of Spanish culture, but also flexibility by keeping it more ad-hoc.
Share in the comments what youāre decluttering this January!
Big hug,
Sarah x
ps. If you would like support with decluttering your commitments, I have space for new coaching clients at the moment. These can be one-offs, or a block of six. You can find out more and book in a call with me here.