On the trap of expectation when we share our creativity with the world...
I'm sorry, [insert joyful creative project], for handing over your worth to an unpredictable algorithm...
Hello Carousellers,
This is my first newsletter of 2025. Hi!
If you’ve just joined this newsletter, it’s great to have you here. Carousel is for people who like to have many tabs open, who struggle to choose ONE thing (and why should you?), or who want help living a life filled with variety. You can read more about the model here.
In January I had the chance to teach the Carousel model as a workshop to some of my freelancer friends in Brighton. It was so lovely to see people plotting their lives onto post-its. So much clarity comes when we get to visually take in all of the things we’re up to, and can physically move them around. If you’re looking to run a Carousel workshop in your workplace or community, hit me up!
The big journey of the last few months has been creating The Sauna Song. I do believe our creative endeavours can be our biggest teachers if we let them. I’ve been through a whole process from flow, to disappointment, side quests, joy, expectation, letting go, and surprise. I wanted to share the whole process with you as - and I hope it will help you better understand your own creative pursuits.
The Call to Create
Back in December my friend Teenie was treated like a celebrity when some sauna-goers found out she’s been part of Wearing my Dry Robe. A request came in for a Sauna song.
Teenie fired up the Dry Robe Whatsapp and the buzz began. Someone suggested a song we could parody. I began to listen to said song on repeat and the choreography dropped in. I also asked people to share their Sauna clichés, which would become the lyrics.
Finding a container to create for (plus a detour)
I found out a friend was running a Cabaret on January 12th and was looking for performers; this seemed like a great deadline for the song. On New Year’s Eve (song still unwritten) I was informed that the rule for the Cabaret was that performers do an art form they’d never done before. As I’d performed comedy songs before, the organiser wondered if there something else I could do with it…?
So that’s how I found myself having the dual task of writing a comedy song and also planning a Sauna-burlesque performance! For the first two weeks of January I went into hyperfocus: lyric writing, recording with my friend Jonny at his ‘Shabbey Road’ studios, planning the burlesque show and making costumes with my friend Danni. You can read about the burlesque show here. TLDR - I loved it!
Making the damn thing happen
But, wait, wasn’t I supposed to be making a music video(?!) At this stage, I hired an amazing videographer Ryan Lovejoy (because who doesn’t Love Joy?) to come down to Brighton for the day to film us. I asked around for volunteers to be my sauna crew and about 15 people showed up. (This is Brighton spontaneity - pretty much everyone works for themselves, or has flexibility on a Thursday afternoon.)
I am not usually a fan of detail, but when it came to creating the shot list, I loved going into the granular! By the time we gathered on that afternoon, I knew every scene inside out, and was so excited to bring it all to life. Ryan was so good at capturing the style of an early 00s hip hop music video and everyone threw themselves in to the acting.
There was such a sense of joy and community filming that video. We all walked away that day knowing that whatever happened to the video, it had felt like a success to make it.
But deep down I had a secret hope that it would go as viral as the Dry Robe song.
The pressure for it to be good (aka how to kill the fun)
As I edited the video it was filled with expectation, and there were delays getting it out. Some back and forth with the videographer. An extra visit to a recording studio to sort out the audio. As I moved into ‘this isn’t fun’ detail territory I found myself starting to hate the video - I was sort of over it. Which interestingly then put a LOT more pressure on it doing well. The more time I spent on it, the better the reception now had to be.
My lovely friends, and Sauna Song actors, Raiph and Naze threw me a ‘Release Party’ for the song. People gathered and ate German food (you’ll see why if you watch the video). As I pressed ‘publish’ I mostly just felt relief that it was done.
Handing over my sense of self to the ‘gram
As I had hoped, the Sauna Song started to go viral. It was being shared widely, I was getting tagged in posts. In 48 hours it had reached 20k views. I was obsessively checking Instagram to the point of getting RSI.
When after two days I sensed it was starting to peter out, I felt devastated. This whole build up. A month of creating. And it was over.
Gosh, I know this is really not a big deal on a global scale: A video didn’t do as well as another one; but I felt so depleted about it, and a lot of shame. And as I started to confide in people about it, many validated what I was going through and shared similar experiences. In the end, I decided to voice what I’d been feeling in this post.
Ironically, this post then started to get a lot of attention (!) and I saw myself getting caught in the same trap of wanting this post to do well (had I not learned my lesson yet?) But mostly it felt like a relief to be honest. It felt like a perfect end to a journey: a vulnerable post that had inspired connection. And the good thing was, I was able to feel proud of the video again. THE END.
Another plot twist
And then, when I thought it was all over, the BBC South East contacted me to say they were doing a piece on saunas and wanted to a) use my video b) interview me about why I made it. So last Wednesday I found myself once again in the Sauna with two other video legends being filmed in my swimming costume for local TV.
Friends chimed in: ‘and you were worried it hadn’t done well!’ This was indeed a very sweet plot twist that gave me faith in the randomness and unpredictability of the outcome of creative beings.
But then of course, when I heard it was going on the Beeb, I thought ‘this is it.’ After the broadcast I waited for my IG to pop off, but guess what, no-one has a TV anymore and no-one watches local news. Again, I was being asked to stop being attached to the outcome.
And then I found out it was on BBC Breakfast multiple times this week. Once again, I was like ‘well now it will DEFINITELY get some attention.’ Again, no. 🤣
(It feels a little awkward to admit this, that at each stage I was continuing to put extra pressure on the outcome of this video, but I am starting to find some humour in how much I kept falling into the same trap! Just enjoy the juuuuurney.)
Who knows where this video will end up next. It’s definitely here to teach me some things and I’m slowly, slowly starting to learn about non-attachment…(am I though?)
How do you feel when you share a creative project with the world? Do you allow yourself to ‘enjoy the journey’ of creating it, or do you place more importance on how it’s received? I’d love to hear in the comments.
On my Carousel
🎸 I’ve joined a band in Brighton and we are doing seasonal gigs. For Valentine’s Day we did an immersive performance called ‘Band Actually’. Here’s some gorgeous 3 part harmonies at our rehearsal.
🧑🏻🏫 I’m continuing to coach teachers in schools through my company Coaching for Teachers.
🫶 With my private coaching clients we’re working on: transitions after quitting, designing beautiful endings, intentional sabbaticals, and getting going with important creative projects. I have space for two more 1:1 clients at the moment - book a taster here.
👥 I’m leaning into what community means to me in Brighton (with all its interpersonal complexities) as I continue to call this place my home after 18 months.
🎈I’ve been doing some visioning and planning about how I want to spend my 40th birthday.
🏋️♂️ I’m working with a PT on strength training once a week. I love it. It’s pricey, but I also know I’m feeling amazing for it. (What do you spend money on that feels expensive, but important?)
🧠 I’m living for Fridays and the release of each new episode of Severance on Apple TV. Anyone else? I found this episode of the podcast really powerful - one of the main actors only started acting in his 30s after MANY other careers. A really lovely commentary on taking time to find your ‘thing’.
That’s all for now, folks.
Thanks for being here.
Big hug,
Sarah x
watch the video