One year since the email that changed my life

Reflections on the last 12 months in Brighton, and how I've set up an intentional summer

It’s been a while, Carousellers. I hope everyone is surviving this heat in the UK. I spent the morning feeling a little bit anxious, but after cooking lunch I have concluded that my low mood was 10% needing to have a meal and 90% walking up a big hill in 28 degrees. Not to minimise all the background noise, of course, but now I’m in the shade with a full belly, things feel a bit more level (!)

I booked a session with my coach last Friday to do two things: 1) a review of the past 12 months (I work in schools, so tend to follow the academic year) 2) to feel into what I needed for my summer break.

Yes, I could have done these reflections alone, but without the support of an external cheerleader I do tend to downplay the good things that have happened, and not feel I can justify any proper time off. She helps me to really champion the ups and celebrate the learnings from the downs, and help me interrogate my internalised capitalism that says ‘I don’t deserve a holiday…’

🏡 It felt especially important to take the time to reflect on this past year. It’s a year ago to the day that I received the email from my landlady with the subject line Changes afoot explaining that she needed her Hackney flat back. 2 months later I surprisingly (to me, but not to anyone else!) moved to Brighton, took on the lease of a 4-bedroom house called ‘The Creative Residence-sea’, and found 3 wonderful humans to join me.

The house has been, mostly, amazing. Of course we’ve had our ‘team-building’ moments as we like to call it, but that’s only strengthened what we want the house to be, and the relationships between us all. It’s become a community hub for people in Brighton as we host things like Day of Musical Joy, meditation retreats and epic parties. And Brighton itself feels like 100% the right choice. I would say at least once a day I open my mouth in awe of how great this city is and how lucky we all are to live here (mostly when I’m getting in the sea). I’ve got a feeling of community that I don’t think I’ve had since 6th form college and a much better base-level of mental health because I’m 15 minutes walk from the ocean.

🏋🏼‍♀️ I noticed there was an old voice trying to tell me I hadn’t worked hard enough on my business this year; that I had taken a back seat and been a bit more passive. I had two responses to this: 1 - what a f*cking relief! I’ve spent 10 years constantly promoting my services and ventures and since having the regular Coaching for Teachers work I’ve been able to have a base level of income that’s felt more like a salary. How lovely to have been able to take a break from the constant hustle. 2 - a move to new city and setting up a house is not to be underestimated. Maybe at times I could have pushed work stuff more, but this has been at the front of my Carousel, and has been nourishing me in endless ways (community, home, food, friendship, creativity).

🎹 A big theme of this year has been that my music performing is starting to become a bigger part of my professional work - whether that’s DJing at the Musical Theatre Raves, performing a 90s Piano Singalong at Glastonbury to 3000 people, or having a viral music video and a local choir doing an arrangement of it (!), I’m feeling more able to call myself a musician these days 😀 And hey, maybe not ‘pushing’ some of the other stuff has left more space for these musical moments to come through.

Other themes that came out of the year were:

• becoming Auntie Saz

• doing some really deep work on my patterns in relationships (friendships and romantic) through EMDR and my flirting coach

• continuing to show up with integrity and honesty in difficult conversations (uuuuf it’s been a BIG year for those!)

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As I looked at the summer ahead, there were a few things I knew:

• I needed to take some time off tech, especially emails. I decided to set my OOO from 30th July (yesterday) saying I’d be offline from August 1st - 31st. (This was instantly challenged by a potential client trying to book a call with me on August 1st. I felt really conflicted - it was just one call, then I could break for summer. But what if another call came in, and another? In the end, I offered it up to some of my external facilitators and one of them is going to take the call on my behalf. This boundary felt important.)

• I needed to leave Brighton for some of the summer. It’s my first August here and part of me said ‘I don’t need a trip away, I’ve got the beach’ but I realised a few days into getting back from festivals that it’s not just about not working, but about having time away from everything that reminds you of work / regular life. I’ve booked 10 days walking in Spain and I already feel my nervous system relaxing.

• I need to give myself permission to waste time. There will be days when I sleep in, do very little, eat breakfast at 2pm, wander aimlessly. This is to be celebrated, not berated. I need to get bored this summer!

I’m wishing you a wonderful August and I hope you can use the summer holiday feeling to think about your academic year and take a proper break. This is your permission slip!

See you in September.

Big hug,

Sarah x