Switching off // different types of rest // the eternal freelance vs job debate
Morning Carousellers,
I'm writing today's letter from a coffee shop in Exeter, where I've been for the past 6 days (Exeter, not the coffee shop).
Here's some things that feel top of mind this wintry November morning...
It's really hard to properly switch off. Even when I mark off time to 'not be working', I'm usually still on my phone, receiving messages related to work, and eyeing up emails. Because I don't have an allotted annual leave amount as a freelancer, I'm not that disciplined about block booking weeks off at the start of the year, which means I often find that, even in a week 'off', I'll still have one of two appointments. This is something I really want to shift for 2023: choose weeks that I will not work and honour them, whatever comes in. How do you manage your 'time off' as a freelancer? Or if you work in a company, what can I learn from you about honouring time off? That being said, I do find Devon to be a beautiful vortex of calm that never fails to slow me down and envelop me in an autumnal hug. I get asked all the time if I want to move back here, but at the moment I love that I have the contrast: that I have somewhere to go to when I need a change of scene.
I've got to the stage of life where people from my youth are rising to fame in the thing they've worked on for years. I realise that although I've believed I can 'do' anything day to day, deep down I didn't really think it was possible to 'make it', properly. Growing up in the South West, cut off from London's opportunities, I just didn't see examples of people following their dreams in that way. I think for a lot of my school peers, it's taken a lot of unlearning to believe we were also worthy of following our ambitions. And now I'm really seeing people who have stuck at it. I'm celebrating in particular seeing a pal from my youth drama group in the credits as one of the choreographers of the new Matilda the musical film.
I've been through the process recently of applying for roles in house at big companies. People who've been on this list for a while will know this is something I've been flirting with, and this time I've followed the urge. The idea that I might be getting a big contract soon has taken ALL the pressure off my freelance work, and subsequently allowed for a lot of flow and ease in that area. And then, since getting a 'no' from a company last week, many of the freelance fears have crept back in, despite nothing having actually changed in my workload or client base... Funny how that works. It's also brought up questions about whether I've been out of the game too long to work at a high level in a company. I'm also wondering if the real desire is to feel normal by having a 'real job'. Despite loving the work I do, having so much freedom and autonomy and FUN in my work, there is a part of me that still doesn't feel like I'm a proper adult yet if I haven't got a salaried job. This is partly because of the unfair system about getting mortgages when you're self-employed, which favour salaried workers. When a system still says 'we don't recognise what you earn as real', it does impact your sense of self. I can preach all I want about living my own life and carving my own path, but at the end of the day the societal messaging is loud.
I've started a great new role coaching teachers 1:1 in a school in West London. It really does feel like dream work. I'm seeing the impact already as so many of these teachers have never had any coaching before, or any time to process and stop in their crazy workload. I'm teaching them about the likes of Brené Brown, visualisation, oracle cards and self-compassion. I also feel really well placed to be working with them: I have a background in teaching so can empathise with the pressures of the job, but have also spent a decade NOT teaching, so am able to offer alternatives of how to work. The job is almost two hours from my house but I feel so happy to be going there. I love being in a school building, with the buzz of a school community, but not being in the classroom. I love working with teachers from the same school and seeing that it could have a real impact on the school ecosystem. I get to the end of a school day and feel tired but not drained - this is what I've been craving for so long: the feeling of being satisfied from a good day's work, but not burned out or stressed.
I've been talking to the teachers about the difference between mental rest and physical rest, and how we often choose the wrong one. Physical rest is what we need when we've been pushing our bodies to the limit. When we've been for a long hike, or had a busy day rushing around. Physical rest means not moving our bodies: lying on the sofa, sleeping, having a bath. Mental rest is what we need when our minds having been busy - when we have lots to think about, process, or when we've been in overwhelm. In these moments of 'tiredness' we think we need to rest our bodies, but the problem is our minds are still able to work and we end up feeling even more overwhelmed as we sit with our thoughts. In these moments we need to rest our minds, but not necessarily our bodies. Resting our minds means undertaking activities that require our full mental attention: playing an instrument, meditation, learning a language, climbing, cooking, doing a puzzle, improv, a dance class. The contradiction is that we are often quite physically active, but our minds get a chance to rest. I find coaching to be incredibly restful for me as my full attention is on the other person. That's probably why I get to the end of spending the day with teachers and actually feel quite calm. What are the activities that help your mind totally switch off?
Wishing you all a lovely Monday,
Thanks for reading and, as always, I'd love to hear what resonates as you navigate your own Carousel life.
Big hug for wherever you are today
Sarah x