The ecstasy of saying no when things don’t feel right
This afternoon I’ve been on cloud nine.
This morning I was an anxious mess.
The difference? A phone call where I was honest about something I didn’t want to do.
I’m getting to know the full body takeover of anxiety that kicks in when I’ve said yes to something that isn’t aligned.
It’s a particular type of discomfort. It’s not nerves, or the anticipation of going through a growth period.
This anxiety is alarm bells.
It says: ‘this is going to be a hell of a lot of work and you don’t have time.’
It says: ‘you’re saying yes because it sounds like a good opportunity and you feel flattered, but you don’t really want to do it.’
It says: ‘by doing this thing you’re trying to squeeze yourself into someone else’s brief, but you’re not going to do yourself justice.’
So what happened?
A couple of weeks ago I got asked to DJ at a major music festival. They wanted a particular kind of music, which is some of what I do, but not really the full thing.
I was flattered, excited, honoured.
This is the dream…. right?
But then I was feeling into the set I needed to prepare and something was off... I LOVE DJing and feel very relaxed doing it, but the thing I’m good at is going into a space and asking ‘what does this room need?’, not pre-preparing a set based on a particular genre.
As the weeks went on, I was noticing a few things:
I was feeling stressed about it rather than excited
I was feeling like I needed to cancel everything to rehearse the set, rather than do the things I actually want to do
I was trying to fit someone else’s brief, which brought up feelings of not being cool enough (ughhhhh - so over that!)
I was feeling really under confident as a DJ, even though I know that I’m a really good DJ usually.
The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should take myself off the bill. This felt like MADNESS.
But having a chat with a friend last night she reminded me that I am supposed to follow the joy. This wasn’t feeling joyful AT ALL.
I also realised I’d been in a real scarcity with this gig - that I had to take it because who turns a gig like that down? - but actually, I spent the whole of last week DJing every night at a festival, and I’ve got more coming up this summer.
I don’t need to take all the gigs
I don’t need to take the ones that don’t feel right.
And maybe I’m at a stage now where I can really choose and curate the experiences I want. (Hell yeah).
After a good chat and a restorative swim with a friend this morning, I rang the organiser.
I was honest.
This isn’t feeling right.
It’s not really the music I do. It’s not how I work best as a DJ.
His response was amazing - he totally got it, and also shared that he had also turned down a similar gig because it hadn’t felt like a right fit and he didn’t have time to prepare either.
Rather than letting him down, I was actually being professional by saying no.
I can’t tell you the relief.
The adrenaline left my body immediately.
I made a little manifesto for myself:
🎁 I no longer try to fit into a box someone makes for me - I offer the Sarah Weiler experience (Garage, 90s, Musical Theatre - SHAMELESSLY!)
🧚I do things with flow and ease: stress + anxiety shows me I'm out of alignment
🥳 Opportunities are in abundance: I say yes to only the very best that make my soul sing
It feels edgy to share this, and yet it feels important to write about.
Really filling our days with the things that feel in alignment.
Prioritising pleasure, joy, and growth in the RIGHT things.
I wonder what phone call, decision or change of plan would give you a full body breathing out today?
Big hug on this Tuesday,
Thanks for reading,
Sarah x