The end of year can bring up a lot of emotions... A final Carousel for 2022
Hello Carousel Community,
I'm writing this to you from one of my favourite cafe's in Exeter - the Exploding Bakery. I'm remembering that this time last year I was due to get the train back to see my family on the weekend before Christmas. Then the Tier 4 restrictions came in on Saturday night meaning I could no longer go. This affected so many of us - either side of a very sudden curfew, meaning many people were then frozen in time in wherever they happened to be that day.
I'm pinching myself that this year I am actually able to be in Devon with family. Every time we have a restriction, it feels even more special the next time we are able to try again. I'm really thinking of everyone who is affected by Covid isolation and is unable to get home at the moment. I hope that you can still find ways to connect with loved ones in a meaningful way.
The end of a year can bring up a lot of emotions. On Sunday I ran a full moon ceremony with my CoMOONity and really felt the personal expansion that has happened for me this year. I could see and feel proud of all the changes that I've made: all that I've said yes to, and all that I've said a hard no to, as well. And then this morning I woke up flooded with grief and sadness. Of all that hasn't happened, of where I am in my life, and where I'm not.
I'm not saying this for sympathy, but to acknowledge that this time of the year can be many things. It can be a chance to celebrate, to take stock, to really feel proud. And it can be a time of meeting your personal demons, of grieving the losses and acknowledging the gaps in where we want to be.
Remembering that it's all of this that makes us human.
I love this quote from Glennon Doyle's Untamed:
''After the meeting ended, a woman walked over and sat down next to me. She said, “Thanks for sharing. I relate. I just wanted to tell you something that somebody told me in the beginning. It’s okay to feel all of the stuff you’re feeling. You’re just becoming human again. You’re not doing life wrong; you’re doing it right. If there’s any secret you’re missing, it’s that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that’s what they’re for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that you’re doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes.”
I did not know, before that woman told me, that all feelings were for feeling. I did not know that I was supposed to feel everything. I thought I was supposed to feel happy. I thought that happy was for feeling and that pain was for fixing and numbing and deflecting and hiding and ignoring. I thought that when life got hard, it was because I had gone wrong somewhere.''
So, as I'm trying to do with myself, I'm inviting you to be gentle with yourself at this time. To hold all of these emotions within the context of a global pandemic.
Let's remember in the UK we were in full lockdown until April 12th.
We weren't allowed to mix households until May 17th, and even then it was only 30 people.
It wasn't until July 19th that things went 'back to normal.'
Last night I did a beautiful solstice dance online with one of my teachers - Mira. She talked about being there for ourselves in this time. She invited us to work with each of the elements: to touch the earth to ground ourselves, to put anything back into the fire that we don't need, to allow ourselves to flow like water... For me that last one really resonated - that we can teach our bodies to flow with all the changes and trust that we will be able to navigate it.
At the full moon ceremony the other night I asked 'what are we being called to do in this stillness?' - I got an overwhelming response of DEEP REST. Although I know I rest a lot, and because of that often have shame around how little I work (I know that feels crazy, but when you start your career as a teacher anything short of burnout can feel like laziness), I realise I'm never totally switching off. I always am on WhatsApp getting back to people, thinking about the next stage of my business... So I am going to switch off tech until 28th December. Quieten the mind... Quieten the noise. I always find that in place of tech I find so many answers, creative flow... and I read a lot too! I'm wondering what you find in the space?
Sending love to everyone and thank you for all the support this year and for being part of this newsletter! It is very nourishing to have people to write to, and it helps me alchemise some of the hardest of times.
For those of you who are new here, Carousel is a model that supports you to work intuitively with your many projects and interests, and this newsletter consists of musings to support you to live in this way. You can read up more here.
Something to try with family/friends you haven't seen for ages:
I've noticed that when we ask 'how have you been' or 'what have you been up to?' it can be quite overwhelming. There can be pressure to have a good story, to be okay, to present your life in a certain way. I've found that by adding one word the conversations massively change and the connection feels so much stronger.
Instead of 'how have you been?' try 'how's your morning been?'
Instead of 'what have you been up to?' try 'what have you been up to today?'
See what happens...
If you'd like to do some reflecting...
These were the 4 questions from the Gemini Full Moon:
✨What is here for you in the stillness of winter?
✨What everyday miracles have happened this month?
✨What limiting beliefs are you becoming aware of at the moment (anything that is keeping you small)?
✨Where have you expanded this year? Where are you expanding?
Here's a playlist to support you (I recommend playing Moana for the expansion question)
I also really love Year Compass as a tool for end of year/start of new year reflection and visualisation.
Coaching in the New Year
I still have one space to work with me in the Spring. If you'd like to book in a call to explore what this could look like, book yourself in for January. The first session is always gifted.
And finally, what has been on my Carousel this year?
Things that were at the Front of the Carousel this year that I am celebrating as helping me live in my joy:
🎹My first role as a professional composer for a show at Camden Fringe
💬Investing in myself and training up as a Co-Active Coach - meeting incredible people
🌳Running workshops in the woods all summer at Camp Wildfire with a fantastic team
🌞Spending 3 weeks in Spain doing yoga on the beach and having my first proper holiday in years
Things that I Let Go of and took Off the Carousel completely:
🤣I brought my comedy night Rye Laughs to a close, with a final gig on 9th December. It was apparently so over for me that I got Covid that day and wasn't able to attend (!)
👩🏻🎓I started an MA at Goldsmith's University but decided that it wasn't the right route for me to become a composer - in fact, I realised I had to show up for myself without an institution.
🇪🇸Living in Spain (for now) - I got the clarity the Spain is a fantastic restorative place for me, but it's not where I need to be to be making music. London is the place for me right now.
Things that are Coming into Focus...
🎙️I'm in the final stages of editing my podcast - Knowing When to Quit - which will be out in January
🎶Writing my first musical - I have two projects that are materialising...
I wonder what is on yours?
Sending love and a nourishing rest to all,
Sarah x